Jemsjambu

 dear diary,  i think i want to stop working. aku dah stress sgt. buat kerja pun salah, selalu kena marah on useless things. i really hope my self esteem akan recover from this. being told- tak buat kerja, tak pandai and all sorts of things hurt my pride. rasa cam useless sesangat. im a gen z, i want to do something else kot. benci gila rasa bodoh gini. its okay. i will serve my notice in 2 months, i will get a new job and i will go out of this hell. jangan risau okay. writing this to give me hope. semoga allah sayang i sampai bebila.

 i write here so i will always remember this. i was thinking of tanggungjawab sebagai seorang isteri... 

the only thing that kept me motivated- untuk bekerja adalah sebab dekat dengan rumah. salah satu sebab lah. tapi skrg... TIBA TIBA KENA PINDAH SEMENYIH YAALLAHHHH MACAM NAK MAMPOS TAU AKU FIKIR. macam mana nak hadap pergi balik kerja 1 jam setiap hari T.T krisis yang sangat menyedihkan... i dont like working anymore. NAK BERHENTIIIII :(((

again, if you ever found this blog, please keep it to yourself.  since i was small, ive been very very very obsessed in getting married. dulu rasa macam umur 18 tahun, lepas habis sekolah terus nak kahwin. i think because growing up kan i saw my parents tenang dan damai, tak bergaduh sepanjang marriage diorg, ada rumah sendiri, kereta sendiri. best. rasa tenang, or- nampak tenang. fast forward to now, im 24, not even engaged!! not even a fiancee at this point. rasa macam dah gagal dah kehidupan hahaha. kereta dah ada, kerja dah ada. yang takda? suamiiii T.T hahahaha i thought i want a marriage- tak kisah la kahwin dgn siapa asalkan kahwin. tapi tidak ya rakan-rakan, saya ada specific person yang saya suka dan saya tunggu :( we're planning to plan a wedding after he got his job (we just graduated 2 months ago) tapi belum ada rezeki dia lagi nak dapat kerja.  about him, i remember knowing him from a friend of mine- yang i tanya pasal my final year project during diploma. that ti...